"It's the pampas grass that lets them know" says one old biddy"Really" her friend says in horror"Yes, pampas grass means that they you know..swing"Well, a junior reporter I might have been but I knew they weren’t talking about garden furniture. Listening more closely I heard them talk abouta secret swingers network that had taken over the newly built ‘executive’ estate at the north end of the village. Now there was a story.I dreamed on a bit about seeing my name on the by-line of a national 'Top reporter probes the dark underside of suburbia', ‘Award winning journalist gets the story’, well why not, everyone has to start somewhere. The next day I brought it up with my Ed who didn't sound too impressed but to humour me he gave me the green light to investigate.I wasn't too sure where to start, I mean, did I wander the streets of k**erton looking for pampas grass then knock on the door saying "Hi my name is Jenny, do you want to swing?"Somehow I doubted that’s how the News of the World. Not much. I’d settle for just about anything, you know.” He eyed his pitiful hard-on and minuscule balls. “Adjustable, would be nice.”Depressed, he put on a t-shirt, went downstairs to make a sandwich and grab a Coke from the fridge. The long t-shirt covered his pathetic works and half his rear end. Back in his bedroom, he sat at the desk by the window and completed his homework. He pushed thoughts of his minuscule cock and balls to the back of his mind. He refused to give his shortcomings more than subconscious deliberation. At 10:45 pm, he went to bed. After tossing and turning the better part of an hour, he finally drifted off to sleep and dreamed about huge cocks.Gilbert wasn’t queer, only envious. He had less interest in guys that he did in football or soccer. He considered himself All American Heterosexual. He liked girls, even had some as friends. He’d never dated or kissed a girl, though. He fondled breasts and tight bottoms in his dreams. He refused to daydream; another.
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